- Show & Tell -

Good morning class and teacher, 

I am going to talk about my visit to the Sydney Opera House. 


The Sydney Opera house took 16 years and over 10,000 construction workers to build. 

The site covers 5.798 hectares and cost $102 million to build. 

Kate and I met on Tinder. 

I messaged her on Thursday and then forgot to reply to her until Sunday. 

The night before we went to the Opera House, I messaged her back. 

She's a comedian. She makes me laugh and want to fuck her a lot. 

I was born in 1998, she was born in 1999. We both like winter and alcohol. 

It was raining when we met and the box of goon I cradled like our only child was getting soggy 

and caving in on itself. 


Kate is exactly 472 days younger than me. 

It took us 4 days of talking for her to emasculate me by making the first move. 

We huddle beneath 2,194 pre-cast concrete sections held together 

by 350km of tensioned steel cables. 

We drink $7 wine from the sack. 

I feel very classy wining at the Opera House. 

I get excited when Kate mentions that she also owns a copy of Shredderman Rules on DVD starring Ned Bigby from Ned’s declassified. 

I lean in to kiss her and miss her mouth. My lips collide with her chin. 

We laugh and then make out for like 3 minutes. It was pretty cool. 

The Sydney Opera House has stood uninterrupted for 44 years, 6 months and 8 days. 

Kate and I sit lushing in the rain for just under 4 hours before we’re interrupted by security

 and told that what we’re doing is technically illegal although the guard himself offers his sympathies, 

swearing by the bottle but only “when I’m off the Job”. 

Our new acquaintance escorts us an uncomfortable distance, letting us go unassisted when we finally reach 

the ugg boot store, Sydney’s pinnacle of style. 

We catch the train 4 stops to Bondi Junction and sit, soaking the funky patterned bus seats for 8 minutes. 

15,500 lightbulbs are changed every year at the Opera House. 

Only 3 of my 5 lightbulbs are functioning. 

I light a candle before Kate pulls me atop of her. 


Since opening, The Sydney Opera House has hosted 87,839 performances. 

My bed has hosted not even half that number. 

I saw the Magic Flute in 2012. It went for 2 hours with a 20 minute interval. 

I slept with Kate in 2017. It went for no more than 5 minutes with a few short intervals 

before realising the combination of alcohol, antidepressants and anxiety 

in the presence of a beautiful girl had rendered my penis almost completely flaccid. 

I hoped that her love of non-compliance might extend to the non-compliance of 

my genitals in performing first date sex. 

Kate and I fall asleep next to each other. 

She catches a taxi home just after 2am. 

It costs her $78 and 50c. 

The Magic Flute cost my grandparents $103 per seat. 

Being held by Kate in the cold autumn rainfall cost me my love.  

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